


remember the good times during the bad

by cutiepiehyuck



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: But only if you squint, Other, Sad, and has a bad day, but nothing bad or anything, donghyuck is very lonely, just sad, lonely, slight mark/donghyuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-08 12:25:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17981300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cutiepiehyuck/pseuds/cutiepiehyuck
Summary: he seemed only to fall back behind their shining light more and more. he couldn’t find a way to fight the water constantly filling up his world, couldn’t stop himself from drowning in loneliness.





	remember the good times during the bad

**Author's Note:**

> honestly, ive been writing for forever and ive wanted to post something in this fandom for a long time, but im currently working on two longer fics and just. wrote this one in like 30 minutes without proofreading so sorry if its a mess hfdjsk but if you wanna follow me on twitter (@cupidshyuck) thats where ill probably post updates about my work and stuff! anyways, enough self promotion
> 
> this fic is sad and deals with some slight depression, but nothing really triggering happens. but if you have depression/get triggered by things like that, read with caution.

sometimes the world felt so lonely. so, so lonely, even among crowds of people he felt alone. left behind in the shadows as other people rose up higher and higher. he seemed only to fall back behind their shining light more and more. he couldn’t find a way to fight the water constantly filling up his world, couldn’t stop himself from drowning in loneliness. he knew he shouldn’t feel like this, had no right to feel like this when he was surrounded by family, surrounded by people who loved him, he was sure of that at least. they made sure to reassure him at all turns, that they _loved him okay? don’t ever forget that donghyuck._ but did they really? did they show it? did they reach out when the water got too high and the world got too lonely?

the rain fell in waves, drenching the outside world without a care. it seemed so calm, in a way, to just watch as the raindrops fell and fell without end. they didn’t have to care about what happened around them, the constant obligation they had to schedules and concerts and living life. they simple fell and left their small mark on the world before flowing on towards something else, maybe to repeat the process once more or just become part of something greater. sometimes he wished he could just be a raindrop, rather than a boy trapped in an adult’s life.

“donghyuck? we’re going out for food, do you want anything?”

“not really hyung, sorry.” he could feel the worry emanating off of taeyong in waves as he stared out the window, but he really wasn’t hungry. and he didn’t think he could go out and face people right now, not when it would only feel like no one cared enough to even notice him.

“okay hyuckie, but don’t stay cooped up in here too long okay? maybe go practice or watch something.” taeyong left with only the click of the door as it closed, and donghyuck was alone again. although he always felt that way, so he supposed it wasn’t any different than the norm.

the rain poured harder now, shaking the window as it pounded against it. donghyuck put in his headphones, blasting some track he couldn’t remember the name of. maybe he should play something that made him happy, but he didn’t want to ruin a song just because of his mood. it all felt futile, in a way, trying to make himself momentarily happy. it was all for nothing, because tomorrow he would wake up and be reminded of exactly how much he didn’t matter. reaffirmed by the gap in the group, as everyone else celebrated adulthood and he was just a child. an outsider.

a knock sounded on his door, and donghyuck turned down his music just to make sure he had heard it. it came again, and donghyuck sighed before letting out a small “come in.”

mark entered and sat down on the bed next to him. he looked sad, for some reason, and donghyuck knew that on a normal day, on a day where he was a little stronger and could put up the front a little better, he’d rush to make him feel better. make some stupid joke, maybe about himself or the hyungs, maybe about nothing at all, just to make mark smile. it usually worked, as mark would smile in a soft way before lying down next to donghyuck as he rambled on and on. today, though, was different. mark sat on the bed and donghyuck said nothing. the room was silent except for the rain and the music still thumping along in his headphones. he couldn’t make mark happy if he couldn’t even make himself happy.

mark still laid down next to him, facing him and they stared at each other. donghyuck wondered if mark could see the emptiness in his eyes, or if he even cared to look that deep. most people didn’t. they just took him at face value, called him the moodmaker of the group, the sunshine, while his eyes held nothing but emptiness.

“you don’t have to talk. but taeyong was worried about you, worried when you didn’t want to eat. i thought he was gonna call the manager and accuse them of, i don’t know, putting you on a diet or something awful like that. but i, i just figured it was one of those days. the ones i get, yknow. and i wanted to keep you company i guess. it’s worse being alone.”

“it’s worse feeling alone when you’re surrounded by people,” donghyuck murmured, his words almost swallowed by the rain but mark still nodded in sympathy. donghyuck handed mark the other earbud, letting the music wash over them both. one of dean’s songs came on, and donghyuck closed his eyes, imagined a life where he was just a normal kid, graduating from high school, maybe working at a coffee shop. peaceful, was the word that washed over his mind. something other than the rush of schedules, the anxiety of performing on stage, the constant worry of an injury, or something that made him become forgotten in a world where being remembered was money.

he dreamt of this other donghyuck sometimes, but he knew deep down that he wouldn’t trade it for the world. he loved his members too much, loved being on stage and seeing their fans out there, supporting them. he curled closer to mark, feeling small compared to the rest of the world. he felt mark wrap his arms around him, pull him closer until the tears were finally running down his face. washed out with the rain outside, dragged out by the small amount of comfort mark brought him. he cried until his eyes couldn’t let out anymore tears, until his nose felt stuffy and his face was red and puffy.

“it’s okay donghyuck, shh we love you so much. our sunshine, our haechannie. it’s okay, let it all out.” donghyuck finally heard mark’s quiet reassurances, piercing through the haze he felt stuck in. he heard the door open once more, smelled the calming tea and felt another pair of hands on his back, rubbing reassuringly. he knew it was taeyong, knew that he hadn’t gone out with the rest of their members, and suddenly his eyes felt the need to cry again.

“i’m sorry, i’m so sorry.” he cried out, only to fall on ears that wouldn’t listen.

“you have nothing to apologize for, donghyuck. we love you, on the good and bad days.”

they sat like that for a long time, until the rain stopped pounding and instead drizzled, until the door swung open and the sound of other voices filled their dorm. just mark holding him, taeyong rubbing his back reassuringly, and donghyuck sniffling. he allowed this moment of comfort to stay with him, to remind him that the days of loneliness weren’t necessarily true. he wasn’t alone, not when someone would always notice when he was feeling so. sometimes, it just took a little bit of reminding and remembering in order to feel that way. and he knew that his members would do so in a heartbeat.


End file.
